


Mark Me, Daddy~

by Adversarial



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: AB and Kank made me write this, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Bad Jokes, Crack, M/M, incidental Tom/Mark, incidental Tord/Matt/Tom, my crack otp, please don't take this seriously y'all, why is there no mark/tord in the archive yet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-11-07 14:45:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11061177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adversarial/pseuds/Adversarial
Summary: Tord had finished looking through Mark's swimwear catalogue and already moved onto the underwear section, hand making itself at home in his pants, when he realizes that he will go to some frankly unsavory lengths to get this man into his bed.---(A gift for the proud and esteemed members of the Tord Cam Girl AU groupchat)





	Mark Me, Daddy~

**Author's Note:**

> Based heavily off of plsnskanks's ABO fic. Soon to be illustrated.

Tord had spent about four months as an omega, and he was loving every second of it.

As... Unfortunate as his initial heat had been, and even though he'd managed to fix his biology-swapping machine, he'd found that he was loving the omega life-- between fucking with Edd (and fucking with Edd, if you caught his drift), taking advantage of all of the fun times you could have with an extra orifice (fourway, anyone?), and rubbing his dirty little omega hands all over every alpha in the neighborhood ("TORD! WHY DO ALL THE NEIGHBORS SMELL LIKE YOUR BALLSACK?"), everything was going pretty well.

Except.

Tord glares out the window at the man walking up to his front door before looking down at himself: no pants, tight shirt, those nice spandex boxers that cost twice as much as normal boxers but damn do they make his ass look good. He'd skipped showering the night before and made sure he reeked of pheromones. Matt had actually done a double-take when he'd smelled Tord walking down the hall this morning, shooting him an incredulous "do you WANT to have your ass reamed?!" look that he'd taken to mean that he was giving off the image he wanted to give off. He's prepared this time. 

Tord opens the door while Mark's still walking up the sidewalk and leaned seductively on the doorframe, shooting Mark his best bedroom eyes. Those eyes had gotten him into every bed in a three-block radius at some point or another.

"So. You asked for a cup of sugar?"

"Mmm, yes," Tord purrs, and Mark crinkles his nose, shoving the sugar at Tord like he wants nothing to do with it.

"Well, here it is. Next time, maybe consider showering and getting dressed before calling someone over?" Mark's already walking away from the house despite Tord's come-hither gaze. "The secondhand embarrassment is too much."

With that, Mark's gone, Tord's eyes lingering on his ass as he goes. What an ass. Tord makes a sound of frustration as it escapes, slamming the door and stalking to the kitchen to deposit the sugar along with the last four cups he'd asked Mark for. This wasn't working.

\---

Tord marks off another day on the calendar in his room before surveying it and groaning. 

It didn't make any sense. He'd called Mark once a week every week for the past five weeks asking for sugar. As an alpha, Mark should have either been in rut or close enough to it for at least one of those weeks that he should have jumped Tord's bones. What was his deal?

\---

Tord had done his research. Mark Adonis, age twenty, professional male model with a portfolio to put Matt's to shame. Famous for his class, his searing wit in interviews, his lustrous blonde hair, and, if his small collection of internet stalkers was to be believed, being hung like a viagra-fed stallion. The perfect image of an alpha. 

Tord had finished looking through Mark's swimwear catalogue and already moved onto the underwear section, hand making itself at home in his pants, when he realizes that he will go to some frankly unsavory lengths to get this man into his cunt.

\---

SEDUCTION CHECKLIST:

1\. Answer door while in underwear. Flirt. Achieve Cock. (Tried, failed on five occasions)

2\. Skinny dipping during the day. Catch his eye and wave ass. Achieve Cock. (Tried, got found by Eduardo in his pool, police were called. Edd was pissed when he had to pay bail. Failed)

3\. Wear sexy lingerie and wave to him from the window. Striptease, give him a boner. Achieve Cock. (Lingerie is expensive. Matt got angry when his tore while trying to put it on. Tord is out two hundred dollars and Matt's love. No striptease has yet been attempted. Maybe?)

4\. Seductively suck on popsicle while walking by house. Lock eyes with him and lick the tip. Achieve Cock. (After going through a full box of popsicles while walking back and forth across his front lawn, realized that Mark was at work. Ragequit, vomit up blue raspberry. Failed)

5\. Show up at the clothing store while Mark works. Get him into the changing room. Achieve Cock. (Long story short, the strip mall where he worked wound up burned down while Tom drove a getaway car with a trunk full of stolen designer shirts, cursing like a cunting docker as the police pursued with felony charges. Failed. Also, neither Tord nor Tom can set foot within two square miles of that strip mall again)

6\. Approach Mark while in heat. Literally foolproof plan. Achieve Cock. (Worth a shot?) 

\---

Three days later, Tord enters heat. He manages to ignore it for all of two hours before the cramps become debilitating, drags himself to his neighbor's house with an arm wrapped in a death grip around his stomach, rings the doorbell, and collapses.

"Uhmm... Tord?" Jon's staring at where Tord is laying on the doormat, breathing hard. "Are you alright?"

"Go get Mark," Tord manages to grit out. God, he'd forgotten how much heat sucked as an omega. He almost felt bad for Tom. 

Jon rushes back into the house and returns with a decidedly unimpressed Mark, looking fine as hell in a pair of tight jeans and a top Tord can't see because he's busy doubling over in pain again. "Really. You're really doing this right now."

"I haven't exactly been subtle," Tord manages to gasp out, forcing a grin. Mark nudges Tord's shoulder with a wing-tipped boot. 

"Neither have I, sweetheart. You're not getting into my pants and that's final," Mark says, turning to enter the house when Tord grabs at his ankle.

"What the fuck kind of alpha are you?" Tord shouts, groaning as another cramp hits him. "I'm literally helpless on your doorstep and offering my ass to you and you don't care? At all?"

"The beta kind, genius," Mark throws over his shoulder as he slams the door in Tord's face.

Tord buries his head in his hands for a moment, before finally reaching for his cell phone and calling his house.

"You have reached Fort Asshole, Captain Obvious speaking," Tom drawls, and Tord resolves to have a nice funeral for his pride later.

"Tom? Can you come pick me up? I'm in heat and-" he pauses to grunt and curl in deeper into himself, "-fuck, I don't think I can walk."

"I told you to be careful with your heats, Tord. It's not like being an alpha where you can just... Alright, I found the car keys. Where are you?" Tord can hear him rummaging around the house, preparing to head to the garage.

"Don't laugh."

"No promises."

"I'm at Eduardo's house." Tord clenches his eyes shut as he hears Tom drop the car keys. "On his doorstep."

He can hear the sound of Tom's footsteps through the receiver as Tom sprints to the front of the house, and when Tord opens his eyes again, he can see Tom's head out the window, gaping at him. Tord flips him off. "What the hell?"

"In my defense-"

"Is this about Mark still? Tord, he's not interested." Tom is starting to snicker. "Were you seriously trying to seduce a beta with your heat? What kind of idiot does that?"

"You knew he was a beta?" Tord is five kinds of pissed but also seven flavors of suffering. He forces himself to change the subject. "Look, we can insult my intelligence together later. Can you just come get me?"

Tom's laughing hysterically by this point, leaving the window to retreat back into the house. "I'll grab a wheelbarrow. Be right over."

"You fuck-" Tord starts, but he's cut off by Tom hanging up. He sighs, does his best to ignore the slick slowly dripping down his thigh, and waits for Tom to cart him away.

\---

"Maybe you should just... Give up," Matt suggests. Tord moans from where his face is buried in the pillow. With Edd out of the house at an animation workshop, there was no alpha to help Tord through his heat. Matt thrusts into Tord's ass again, and his thoughts scramble. 

Tom tries to make a comment, but it's muffled by Tord's thighs. "What's that?" Matt calls down to him, and Tord whimpers as Tom pulls away from licking at Tord's clit.

"I said, he should just ask the guy." Tom pauses as Tord keens, continues when Tord goes back to panting. "Has he tried asking Mark directly yet?" 

"Tord? Did you never think to ask?" Matt asks, dick brushing against Tord's prostate right as Tom returns to eating Tord out. "Were you just hitting on him?"

"FUCK," Tord shouts, arching his back as Tom digs his tongue in. "Oh god oh lord oh fuck it feels so good-"

"That feels like a no," Matt murmurs, starting to stroke Tord's dick. "You really need to work on your communication skills, dude."

Tom tries to say something again, but is interrupted by Tord screaming as he comes, getting slick and semen all over Tom's face. While Matt finishes himself off and Tord collapses into the sheets, Tom wipes himself off with the sleeve of his hoodie. "Gross. Anyways, just ask him to hook up, Tord. Spare us all the drama." 

Tord groans and promptly passes out.

\---

"This feels suspicious," Mark says as Tord smiles at him with too many teeth.

"Why would you say that?" Tord asks, as innocently as he can while unlocking the door to his nefarious underground laboratory. 

"Call it a hunch," Mark replies, tone deadpan as he follows Tord into his lair. "How exactly did this work out, again?"

"Well. You remember how you and Jon ditched Eduardo on our doorstep? Twice?" 

Mark sighs. "Don't remind me. We had to ding-dong-ditch that dickhead every time he forgot to take his suppressants." 

"So really, you owed Edd a favor. And Edd," Tord pauses, wincing at a particularly cringeworthy memory, "owes me a favor. Therefore, by the commutative property of favor-owing, you owe me a favor." The pair walk into Tord's lab, and Mark takes a second to survey it. 

"Is that an ecchi tentacle monster over there in the corner?" Mark says, and Tord is forced to acknowledge that yes, that is exactly what it looks like. "We have one of those at home. It's a little bigger and a lot more sentient, but it's the same general idea."

"That's Cherise," Tord says, approaching one of his wall consoles. "She's very... Affectionate."

Mark snorts. "I'll bet. That's an interesting name for a tentacle monster." 

"She's named for my late grandmother," Tord responds, powering on his machinery. Almost time to get revenge for his assassinated pride. "Both of them smell like lilacs and the rotting inevitability of death." 

Mark snorts again. "Incredible. So why am I here, exactly?" 

Tord finally allows himself to smile as he begins to type on his computer console. "I'm testing a new machine to change beta biology to that of an alpha or omega. Matt doesn't trust me enough to be the first test run-" oh god, the lingerie incident "-but it should be perfectly safe."

Tord flips the switch before Mark has a chance to protest, and the room fills with the smell of ozone as Mark is knocked to the floor. 

\---

"I'm telling you, he was _hung_ ," Tom repeats for the fifteenth time. "Like, thirteen inches erect, and thick too. Oh my god, I didn't know a dick could be that thick. I took like... Half of it, at best." He's eating breakfast standing while Edd, Matt, and Tord eat at the table. Tord is noticeably agitated. "Christ, Tord, he was big before, but nothing like this. What did you _do_ to him?" 

"Shut up," Tord snaps, eating another forkful of bacon and doing his best to ignore the fact that his latest plan to get Mark's dick has misfired spectacularly. 

Tom catches the tension and smirks. "Look, if you have an alpha that hot coming to your room in rut and demanding to fuck your naughty cunt in order to get back at your asshole roommate? You have to take advantage of the situation."

"Shut _up_ ," Tord repeats, burying his head in his hands. Matt sighs and Edd looks from face to face, trying to figure out what exactly happened while he was away.

"Maybe you should consider moving on, Tord," Matt finally says, and Tord wants to, really, but then he sees the way Tom limps to put his dishes away and it just strengthens his resolve to get at Mark's cock.

\---

"This is a good plan," Matt reassures Jon as Edd wrestles Tord into the room. "This is the best plan for all of us."

"I refuse," Mark shouts, from where Eduardo has him in a headlock, "to be locked in the same room with this asshole!"

"No offense, but both of you have been flaming douchebags since this whole debacle started," Tom notes casually as Edd drags Tord across the threshold and throws him onto the floor. "Tord's been doing nothing but obsessing over Mark..."

"... And Mark's been an absolute shit since he hit rut," Eduardo finishes. "We are locking you in here until you fuck out your frustrations enough that we can all go back to our NORMAL, DYSFUNCTIONAL LIVES."

"You _idiots_ ," Mark is shouting, but already Eduardo and Edd are out of the room and Tom is locking the door. He turns to Tord, who is pulling himself off the floor to offer Mark a lopsided smirk. "Why are you like this?"

"So you're in rut," Tord says, smirk growing, and Mark puts his head in his hands and groans. "Oh, come on. It's been a fun game, but it's time for you to give in already."

Tord leans in, lets Mark catch a whiff of his pheromones, and relishes the way he flushes. Finally, Mark stands. 

"Fine," he growls. "We'll have it your way. Now strip."

Tord can't stop the hot rush of excitement he feels at hearing Mark's demand. He strips quickly, checking over his shoulder to make sure Mark is watching. "Now lay down on the bed and close your eyes."

Tord obeys, waits while he hears Mark fiddling with his clothes, spreads his legs invitingly when Mark finally approaches him. A large, chiseled chest presses against Tord and he can feel Mark's breath in your ear.

"I just want you to know," Mark whispers, "that this is entirely a spite thing at this point." With that, Mark pulls away suddenly. Tord opens his eyes just in time to see Mark take a running start and slam into the window shoulder-first, shattering the glass. He stumbles back a step, blows Tord a kiss, and jumps out the now-open window.

"WE'RE ON THE SECOND FLOOR," Tord screams after him, ignoring his boner to run to the windowsill. Mark has pulled into a masterful roll and is now sprinting down the street, naked save for his boxers. "WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, MARK?"

Tord can just barely hear the call of "sayonara, bitch!" before collapsing back on the bed face-first and screeching.

\---

"Look, I understand that breaking the window might have been a little... Much, but I wanted you to know that I really mean it when I say it's a spite thing." Tord is standing on Mark's doorstep, staring at the cast on Mark's right arm. "You're plenty attractive. I just want you to take me out for dinner first, you know?"

"So what you're saying," Tord says slowly, "is that you want me to take you out for a date before we have sex."

"Ideally more than one, but yes. That's the goal."

Tord can't tell if he's shaking from ecstasy or rage. "So I take you out to dinner and you agree to ream my cunt?"

"Call it five dates until reaming, with an upwards physical progression from kissing onwards as compensation after each. We split all bills fifty-fifty. Oh, and you have to refer to me as your boyfriend the entire time that we're out."

"Deal." Tord shakes Mark's unbroken hand with a sense of trepidation. Mark smiles and slams the door in Tord's face.

Sounds like a date.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm pretty sure my beta reader (@jinxedlucky) cried while editing this holy shit
> 
> Hit me up at @idiosyncraticmagic!
> 
> (Updates to actual fics are coming soon, guys. Promise!)


End file.
